


Need A Hit.

by lizibabes



Series: Angst Bingo [27]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: AU, Drug Use, M/M, Swearing, sex.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-03 14:42:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/382441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>fill for the prompt lies on angst bingo and substance addiction for Dark bingo. Adam only kisses him when they are using and Tommy develops an addiction to both the drugs and Adam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need A Hit.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Deals with substance addiction which could be triggering for some people.

He didn't realize he had a problem, not till he was up to his eyes in it. It had all started innocently enough, well maybe not innocent, but still, he hadn't meant to get hooked. The first time he used ecstasy, it was with Adam and they'd ended up dancing together for half the night, even though normally Tommy didn't dance. He'd felt alive, he'd liked it and when Adam touched him, it had felt like Adam was touching his soul and there had been a lot of kissing, so much kissing.

　

Sober, off stage, Adam didn't kiss him and Tommy really, really liked being kissed by Adam. So whenever he could get his hands on pills, he did and then one night in a city he can't even name he’d taken a pill and gone to find Adam, only his memory stops at that point. Neil tells him he collapsed. Lane says it was lucky he collapsed in a back corridor, no one saw him. The fans know he's in hospital, they don't know why, Lane will spin a lie for him and now a doctor has just left after giving him leaflets on substance addiction. He showed Tommy some parts, the physical ways he's been feeling between hits and his emotions the last months; it all makes sense. He wants to lie and say he doesn't have a problem, but he does. 

　

He's been telling himself he's fine for a long time and he's known it was a lie from the first moment he started telling himself the lie. Normally Tommy's not the kind of guy to lie to himself, but he has been lying ever since he took the first pill, saying he just wanted to try it because he never had before. He'd taken it the first time because he had wanted to get lost and every time since because he gets to be with Adam a little without either of them freaking out about his sexuality. 

　

He feels like hell, his whole body hurts and he can't believe he did this. He drinks, he smokes weed and sometimes he uses pills and he's far from the only one on tour who knows how to party. But none of the others seem affected the way Tommy does. They don't need it to get the confidence up to dance or kiss the person they’re in love with. He's been using drugs as a crutch, he won't lie to himself about that, he has a problem, he knows he does. He has an addiction, he's addicted to drugs and he needs to stop before it affects his life. He doesn't want to be some washed up guy who can barely play because he's too high. He doesn't want to have to lie to his Mom when she asks if he's alright. He's an uncle for Christ sake, he doesn't want to be a drug addict. 

　

When Adam walks into the room looking like a kicked puppy, Tommy wants the world to open up and swallow him. He doesn't know if Adam saw him collapse, Adam is the last person Tommy wants to have seen him like that. But at least as far as lowest points, his wasn't the worse. He just lied to himself a lot and passed out, he knows substance addiction could have lead him down worse paths.

　

"How are you feeling?" Adam asks, coming to sit in the chair beside his bed. Tommy wants to lie, say he's fine so that Adam will stop looking like that, so hurt and worried, but he's been lying to everyone, lying to himself, so he won't lie to Adam here.

　

"Like shit. Um I'm gonna, the doctor gave me some names. I'm going to talk to some people." Tommy forces out, because he's not sure he can get past his addiction without help. He managed to get addicted without noticing. He needs to talk to someone who is more aware, knows more about addiction than he does. He wants someone who will give it to him straight, no lies, no bullshit, just the truth, not sugar coated.

　

"I'm sorry, I should have noticed something was wrong. I'm done with pills, so I won't be using that shit around you." Adam says, voice cracking.

　

"Adam, don't do that beating yourself up shit. It's not your fault you didn't notice, no one did, I didn't even notice." Tommy says honestly. He'd lied to himself till he believed the pills were doing him good, helping him get what he wanted, he was a fool. He thought taking the pills meant he got to have Adam without having to actually tell Adam he wanted him, but he didn't really have Adam. A few kisses while they were both high was no more real than the kisses on stage are.

　

"I should have. I've seen people get addicted to stuff before, Tommy, I know the signs. I just, I can't believe I was so blind, I see you every day and I never noticed. And I feel like this is my fault, I gave you the pills half the time." Adam says, he sounds pissed and not at Tommy.

　

"Stop that shit, you never made me take anything, I choose to take it because I liked how it made me feel and I got addicted to the feeling. The only one who should have noticed that was me. I was the only one who knew how I felt when I was using and how I felt between hits." Tommy says firmly.

　

"I might not be responsible, but I made things worse. I'm not going to lie, I liked how you acted when you were high. I mean you’re always affectionate, but you’d have let me get away with murder when we were high and I think I was too selfish to see that you might have a problem." Adam groans and Tommy feels his face flush, his resolve not to lie wavering a little, but Adam deserves the whole story if he's gonna go and blame himself for Tommy's substance addiction.

　

"I liked how I was when I was high, too. And I liked you letting me get away with shit like sitting in your lap, grinding on you on the dance floor and the kissing. I really liked that you'd kiss me when I was high." Tommy admits, he's been lying so often that honesty feels almost weird, but he's seen how far lying got him, hell what it got him was a habit. He knows some people have an addictive personality, he doesn't think he's like that. Sometimes he drinks too much, but he never craves a drink, if he can't have one it doesn't affect him, but lately he feels down when he hasn't had a hit, almost depressed. 

　

"Tommy, I'd kiss you any time if I thought you wanted it, wanted me." Adam says. He looks puzzled, like he doesn't get why Tommy would want to kiss him or why he'd need the confidence of a drug in his system before he goes for it.

　

"What happened to being over straight boys who are just a little bent?" Tommy asks.

　

"You’re not some guy at a bar, playing games, testing the boundaries or exploring. I figure if you asked me to kiss you, it'd be because you were sure that you wanted it." Adam says gently and Tommy's heart beat starts racing in his chest, because Adam has said over and over no straight boys, no men who have never been with a man before, because that always gets him hurt. But he'd give Tommy a chance, because he has faith that Tommy won't break his heart. Adam has more confidence in him than Tommy has in himself.

　

"Can I have you then, would you be with me?" Tommy asks.

　

"Once you’re clean? Yes. I won't lie to you, Tommy, you've got some hard times ahead of you and I'll be there with you, but as a friend. I don't think it would be good for you to start dating someone till you recover." Adam sighs, reaching out to brush Tommy's bangs off of his face.

　

"Not lying? Once I'm not addicted anymore, you'll give me a chance, a real chance?" Tommy asks.

　

"No lies, you take care of yourself first and then me and you can have a shot at being us." Adam promises, his index finger trailing a path over the curve of the bottom of Tommy's lip.

　

"Okay, I'll focus on getting better. I don't want to be an addict, Adam. I will do anything to get past that, whatever it takes. But I won't lie and say I think it'll be easy, can you wait for me?" Tommy asks, he's not known anyone who's been addicted to pills, but he's known addicts and he knows getting clean won't be easy. He hadn't even realized he was becoming addicted. It had snuck up on him and he knows he's made a good step, admitting that he has a problem, but he has a long way to go before he is well again and he needs to be sure that Adam knows there is no quick fox when it comes to this.

　

"I'll wait as long as you need me to wait. I'm not going anywhere, Tommy." Adam says, taking hold of Tommy's hand and he doesn't lie, he does stay, does wait, holds Tommy's hand through it all.

　

 

+++++++++++++

 

　

Adam takes him to dinner when he reaches one year sober and the therapist Tommy had had been right, they hadn't lied, all the hard work was worth it. When he was addicted to drugs, he didn't get to go on dates with Adam; he got kisses, amazingly hot kisses, but Adam was never there in the morning. He won't ever lie and say he didn't like the kissing, but the times between drug hits had been torture. He's passed that now, he knows that a slip is always possible, but now he feels like if he did slip back into addiction that he would be strong enough to pull himself back.

　

He still has vices, but now it's more like things like junk food, he doesn't use drugs at all, not just pills. He still drinks, but less and he's even been going to yoga with Isaac and Sophie; he's even getting okay at it.

　

"I'm really glad we're doing this." Tommy admits, his other vice is Adam, but he's pretty sure being addicted to Adam's love won't do him any harm. The whole time he was working to get through his addiction, Adam was there. He was there through detox, sat with Tommy when his body was craving a hit. He'd been with Tommy as a friend, they didn't date while he was trying to get better. But Adam didn't need to be his boyfriend to be there for Tommy, he just was always there. 

　

"Me too, not gonna lie, I've been wanting to take you to dinner for a long time." Adam admits, they don't have lies between them or secrets. Tommy has been like an open book with Adam in the last year and Adam had let him see all that Adam was in return. They've seen each other at their worst and at their best and they’re still here, holding hands over a table for two, on a date. 

　

"I've been waiting too, was I worth the wait?" Tommy asks.

　

"More than." Adam smiles and Tommy thinks fuck it, getting up a little he leans over the table and plants a kiss right on Adam's mouth. If pictures hit the internet he doesn't care. He won't be lying about it. He'll tell the truth that he's on a date with Adam, he's kissing his boyfriend. He's dealt with a lot of his insecurities and sexuality issues when he'd been getting therapy for his substance addiction. 

　

"Wow, that really was worth the wait." Adam says, licking his lips and Tommy wonders if Adam’s tasting the lip gloss Tommy had been wearing or if he'd actually been tasting Tommy, either way it's hot. He can't believe it took him substance addiction, a hospital visit and therapy for him to get to this point, but all the hard work just makes him appreciate this more. It'd be a lie if he didn't say he wished things had come easier to them, but they got there in the end, which is what really matters.

　

They hold hands till they have to eat, the banter light, the flirting heavy and all Tommy can think about is what will happen after dinner, back at Adam's place. He doesn't know how he gets through a whole date without jumping Adam's bones, but somehow he does and soon they’re back at Adam's place, drinking coffee because Tommy had already had wine with their meal. He's really careful about avoiding becoming addicted to anything these days, because he'd learned with the pills that becoming addicted to something is a lot easier than he had ever thought it could be.

　

After the coffee they head to Adam's bedroom and it'd be a lie if he said he wasn't nervous, but he's also really fucking excited, no lie. He feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest. His nerves leave him quickly, because Adam gets him naked and on the bed, gets himself half undressed before pushing his way between Tommy's legs, spreading them wide while his lips wrap around Tommy's cock. 

　

"Fuck, fuck Adam." Tommy groans. Adam can take all of him, Adam can deep throat and Tommy hasn't had anyone touch his dick since before he'd become aware of his addiction, before he stopped lying to himself. He's not been with anyone else while he was trying to get clean and sober. His dick has gone from having nothing but his own hand to Adam's mouth warm and wet around it, sucking and licking and driving Tommy to cuss like a sailor and Adam doesn't seem to mind, humming like he approves and the vibrations have Tommy fisting the covers, desperately trying not to thrust. 

　

Adam pulls off and Tommy lets out a very unmanly whimper, and okay, if Adam brings that up later? That, Tommy is lying about.

　

"I want to see you come, I want you to come in my mouth and I want to be able to see you losing it." Adam purrs and it makes Tommy's dick jerk.

　

"Don't want to fuck me?" Tommy asks boldly, even though he's really, really okay with coming in Adam's mouth, he couldn't be more okay with it.

　

"I do, think I'll save that for our second date, though." Adam says with a flirty smile and Tommy can get on board with that plan. He treads one of his hands into the back of Adam's hair, wanting something to hold on to, not so he can take control of the blowjob, Adam can handle it without any help, he's the best Tommy's ever had. He's not sure if it's because it's been a long time or if it's because as a man, Adam has a bigger mouth and throat or maybe it's Adam's skill, hell it could be a combination of all three, but that doesn't matter right now.

　

Adam licks the length of Tommy's cock, from base to tip and then he's sucking again, just the head for a few teasing seconds and then he's sinking down on Tommy again, taking him all and Tommy can see Adam's hands moving between his own legs, jerking himself off as he blows Tommy and it's one of the hottest things he has ever seen.

　

"Adam, not gonna last." Tommy gasps and when Adam just hums he gets that Adam doesn't want him to last, he wants Tommy to lose it and it's like that realization is all Tommy's body needed for his orgasm to come rolling through him. He screams Adam's name hard enough that it makes his throat hurt, his whole body arching up off the bed and Adam's hands firm on his hips are probably the only thing that stops him from choking Adam.

　

He's sprawled out on the bed panting when Adam shuffles forward, till he's straddling Tommy, hand working hard and fast on his cock till he's coming with a groan, all over Tommy's chest and belly and Tommy can't hold in another small whimper; he hadn't known something like that would be so hot. He's never really been with a man before; he'd had urges, but it had been easy to lie and pretend he didn't have them, easier than accepting that he liked men. But then Adam happened, Adam who was worth any of the things he feared about coming out.

　

Adam's the one to clean them up because Tommy feels boneless. He can't help but think about the day he admitted to Adam that he wanted him, the day he had stopped lying to himself and had finally admitted to the fact he had a drug problem. So much has happened and whilst some things are still the same, a lot of things are different. He's almost grateful that he collapsed, because if he hadn't, he might never have come to expect that he had a problem, might not have found out that Adam felt back what Tommy had been feeling for him. He'd lied about that then too, told himself he was just attracted to Adam and that Adam only felt attraction toward him. He knows different now, he's not afraid of the fact that they love each other. 

　

They cuddle up under the blankets, talking about if tomorrow would be too soon for a second date; he doesn't think it would be and Adam agrees. They've been waiting for each other for a very long time and life is too short to be wasting the time they have been given. If he'd stayed hooked on drugs, he thinks maybe he would have wasted a lot of his life, that his life wouldn't have been half as good as it is right now. Adam saw him at his lowest, stayed with him through his long recovery. He's heard it before, that someone who can't love or accept you on your worst day, doesn't deserve to have you on your best day. He thinks it's a Marilyn Monroe quote and he likes it, thinks maybe she got it right. Adam still loves Tommy when he's not perfect, loves him even when he screws up. They love each other through the highs and the lows and that is why Tommy thinks they can make this last forever and he doesn't have to lie to himself to believe it because without drugs clouding his system, he sees things more clearly, including the love between him and Adam.

　

The End.


End file.
